Walks in the woods

SunshineIn dealing with my daughter, I was challenged by ongoing and old family garbage and disfunction – the game playing, deceit, greed and underlying rage.

My daughter had been estranged from the family for 16 years. She is compromised mentally, and has trauma issues. Her mode of operation was manipulation and deceit. Playing people against one another and creating whatever stories served her ends with each person. Collateral damage didn’t concern her. Playing each person for all their worth, get as much and go as far as you can with each one. Play helpless victim. Don’t do for yourself what you can get someone else to do for you. Divide, and create chaos. Always be the center of attention and keep people upset and off balance.

Not knowing how to love or what it really is, and able to give it only conditionally. A whole family of people doing this to each other and going crazy. Using alcohol, prescription drugs, food, gambling, etc. Harshly judging others while justifying their own behavior, and blaming everything in their lives on others and circumstances. Destroying everybody around them and each other. Spouses, kids, grandkids and friends.

I had to learn to put healthy boundaries on my relationship with her – if there was ever to be one at all. Getting fear out of the way, going beyond it. Courage and empowerment – a chance to be healthier and survive the trauma.

A lot of tears and sleepless nights, but a chance to grow above and out of the dark place of destruction. I learned that you can love those who are incapable of loving you back. It doesn’t mean that you are unlovable. Or not worth loving. You create your own worth. Having principles and integrity: values which you will not compromise, whatever the cost.

It’s worth it, because then you walk in the light, with love in your heart and gratitude for your life.

***

I was walking down the road of my mind, and there I meet Jesus. I asked, hey, do you mind if I follow you down this road of life? Maybe you could teach me.

I want to see with your eyes.

Have a heart like yours.

See beauty in what others call ugly with love in my soul.

And love those who others don’t love.

Compassion.

Let my hands dry tears and heal, create beauty and mend broken things.

My ears hear music that is heavenly, the birds sing, the laughter of little children.

Taste the goodness of what you have given me.

Speak words of encouragement and wisdom – sing with all of my heart.

He said these things are possible, but first I must fill you with my Holy Spirit.

To guide and teach you, to be inside you and with you, to keep you inspired to do every good thing.

To comfort you when your own tears flow.

Then you can follow me.

We are both on the same road. Heading up to my father. Our father.

The value is in the journey and you are never alone.

We are all one, walking this road of life.

I will give you the strength and courage to do it well.

And then I will give you rest.

And a peace and joy beyond all human understanding.

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